I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
