Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't turn off my feet"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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