this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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