remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
