Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
