thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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