Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
