If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
