sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
