So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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