I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it hurts more in the daytime
In America we eat man semen.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
