yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
