Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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