I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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