I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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