how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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