Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
