3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
