apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
