Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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