It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
