her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
