Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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