if i can run in heels then i can drive
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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