first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
