I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
