he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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