he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
