my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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