For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize