I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
