the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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