she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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