Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
