My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
