Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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