So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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