Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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