I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
porn star boner night. come get it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
