You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
