Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
