How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
