I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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