That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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