So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize