I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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