In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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