Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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