Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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