I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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