Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
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Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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