Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
