Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
