Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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