got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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