we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
