You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
