Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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