Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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