I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
