Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
