Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
