eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i need some magic done to my vagina
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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