Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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