i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
