I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize