brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
