My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
