we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
