Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
