so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
