I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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