i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
