He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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