He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
