i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
