sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
