I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize