I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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